Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Part One (2011)
"Why do you keep watching this ****?"
I'm sure that there are plenty of people asking this question, either to other people who watch the Twilight movies or to themselves. Thinking about the question myself, I think the most likely reason is the batshit insanity of the series.
This latest movie is probably the main reason why I ever started watching the Twilight movies. The main one I've been building up to. This is because the first impetus for watching the films was the following article mocking the sheer bizarreness of the fourth book and insisting that the body horror elements would fit perfectly in a David Cronenberg movie. Count me in, I thought.
So did this entry meet the high standards of a Cronenberg horror? Well, not exactly.
Before I start talking about Breaking Dawn Part One, I think it's necessary to recap my thoughts on the earlier entries.
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
Expect spoilers for these movies. If you are worried about spoilers for any of the Twilight films released so far (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn Part 1) do not read any further.
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
Twilight (D-)
The Sour:
It's pretty dull for the most part. The relationship between Bella Swan (Kristen Biting-My-Lips-Means-I'm-Acting Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) is mainly shown by the two of them staring at one another or sitting next to each other not talking. Neither of them seem to be together because they have anything in common. This is actually something that doesn't matter so much in later movies where we can just presume they have a history together. Here they are supposed to be building a relationship and they just don't.
The Cullen family look pretty conspicuous. They are coated in white makeup and the dad in particular looks more like an android than a vampire. (His hair looks particularly weird and this was thankfully improved in later movies.)
Why does Edward Cullen have apple-levitating powers and why is a vampire have to use his VOLVO to intimidate people?
The Sweet:
Billy Burke plays Bella's dad and whenever the two of them interact it suddenly looks like Kristen Stewart can act. The two of them have more on-screen chemistry than the central romance. Team Dad! (Oh wait that's creepy isn't it?)
Okay, I actually LIKE the sparkling thing (wait while I clarify). The way it is set up is actually quite a clever idea. Unfortunately it is not followed up properly in the later story. I even think the ties with the author's religion work pretty well here. Bella's reaction to the sparkle is "oh my goodness it's beautiful" which is where all the hate seems to come in, but let's not ignore Edward Cullen's response. He says it's camouflage. If you want to entice your prey towards you, dressing up like a monster isn't going to do the trick. In the original vampire stories it seems to be suggested that vampires have hypnotic powers. In the 1979 Dracula movie, Dracula pretends to be using typical hypnotism when he's actually using his vampiric influence. But switching a kind of hypnotism/ultra-charm into a warm enticing glow is an interesting change, not least because it makes the vampires look angelic. What this idea suggests is that vampires are demons that look like angels. What would have been really cool is another vampire, perhaps even another member of Edward's family, using his sparkling to entice someone in and then drinking their blood or changing them against their will when he'd gained their trust. If the sparkle is a way to lure people in, someone ought to have used it that way. It's bizarre that no one ever does....
(As for the criticism that vampires shouldn't survive sunlight. The silent movie Nosferatu is the main reason that idea is so embedded. A inverted black and white effect was used to excellent effect to show the death by sunlight and it had such a strong influence that now death by sunlight is viewed as an essential part of the vampire's identity. Oddly enough, in the original novel Dracula crumbles into dust after being stabbed in the heart with a bowie knife.)
Of course, one rather awesome element in this first movie (which thankfully isn't brought up time and time again like the Twilight version of Quidditch) is vampire baseball. A game which has to be played during a thunderstorm because otherwise the noise of the vampires hitting the baseballs would attract attention.
Asides from that the sweet side of the movie is mainly that it is very easy to take the mick.
Twilight: New Moon (D-)
The Sour:
While New Moon isn't any better than the original Twilight movie, it's bad for different reasons. That means that some elements are actually better. Still, one aspect that doesn't seem too bad in this movie but is severely shown up by its follow-up is the werewolf effects. Werewolf effects aren't easy to do, but werewolves certainly shouldn't look like cartoon characters and these ones kinda do.
While sitting in silence with her boyfriend was pretty dull in the original movie, I'm not sure if whining over him in the second one is much of an improvement.
The ending of the movie is supposed to be the bit where things get exciting. Michael Sheen doesn't really have the time to make an impression, so we don't get to see him chew the scenery like he did in Tron Legacy. Dakota Fanning gets to make a bigger impact as the child vampire elder. However, the whole set-up of this finale is ridiculously stupid
Having decided in the last movie that sparkling is camouflage, in this movie suddenly it's instant proof that you are a vampire. The vampire elders are extremely harsh on anyone who reveals that they are a vampire in this way because they don't want evidence of their existence revealed to humans. Edward Cullen decides to reveal his identity in the middle of a town parade related to the town's history with vampires, which is also the same town where the vampire elders have their centre of operations.... Let's recap that.
The elders don't want the existence of vampires to be revealed. Their HQ is in the middle of a place where there are parades which acknowledge the existence of vampires. Also (unlike anyone in real life) they know to associate a man glittering in sunlight with these evil blood-sucking monsters. Is it me or are the elders the most imcompetent secret monster society there ever was. GUYS! MOVE SOMEWHERE WHERE PEOPLE DON'T ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU! IT'LL MAKE STAYING HIDDEN A LOT LESS RISKY!
So the idea I liked in the first movie is completely ruined at the end of this sequel. And the new idea introduced is the werewolf mythology. The werewolf human actors barely feel like real people, which I reckon is most likely an issue with the director. Needless to say, there's something quite racist about the way all the werewolves are Native Indians. If there was some explanation about the history between vampires and werewolves perhaps this could work. But in the end, it feels more like a "mystical minority group" scenario.
On the whole "Team Edward"/"Team Jacob" thing, apparently it's more obvious that you should side with Edward in the book (because pretty much everything you get is Bella's inner thoughts, which is mainly abject worship of Edward), but in this movie Edward is barely even there, making it much more sensible to side with Jacob as the more appropriate choice.
The Sweet:
In the end, I'm mainly watching these films for snark and nothing was more snarkable than Bella's shift to borderline-suicidal thrill-seeking. She decides that she absolutely loves riding on motorcycles. And actually I think there's a religious element here too. In the Biblical story of The Temptation, Jesus is tempted by Satan to throw himself off a tall building so God will jump in and save him with a miracle. Bella is tempted to put herself at risk so Edward will rush in to save her life.
There are also points where I'm laughing WITH the movie. As part of Bella's thrill-seeking, she decides she wants to go and see an action movie. The action movie is called "Facepunch". Clearly the film is aimed at more the rom-com crowd.
The link between the werewolves seemed to be done pretty well. The way they act together as humans did seem evocative of the way a wolf pack might act and worked a lot better than the West Side Story style snarling standoff between the vampires in the first movie.
One part which might easily be dismissed as daft in this movie involves Bella sitting in her room and the seasons rushing past outside. The thing is that the section of the book they are adapting in this way is represented in the book by four blank pages. That's pretty awkward source material to adapt and I think they did a pretty good job.
Anna Kendrick seemed a lot better in this movie and she gets to be a little more snarky this time around. She's the one who gets to say: "So, you're an adrenaline junkie now?" Meanwhile Billy Burke gets to tell Bella that she's grounded for the rest of her life. (In a joking way.)
Overall this one wasn't so slow-paced, but the werewolves were a bit daft and Bella Swan was wetter than ever as she pined over her lost love.
Twilight Eclipse (C-)
The Sour:
While for the first time we have Edward and Jacob's behaviour being fully recognised as dickish, that doesn't make it any less irritating. Also Jacob doesn't get nearly enough criticism when he very nearly rapes Bella on the spot.
Also, the film is just so LONG. You could easily cut out all the boring relationship BS and leave the film as a pretty damn cool violent vampires and werewolves story.
The Sweet:
The werewolf effects are REALLY GOOD in this one. Like seriously, the effects people deserve a massive pat on the back.
As I've said before, there's way more violence in Twilight Eclipse than there is in Captain America. Sure the vampires don't actually bleed but they do have their arms ripped off. In line with them being called "Cold Ones" in the first movie they shatter when hit hard enough.
The mythology is pretty damn awesome too. It turns out that some of the members of the Cullen family are utter badasses. I wouldn't have minded hearing more about Rosalie and her backstory which is essentially the equivalent of "I Spit On Your Grave" only if the protagonist becomes a vampire before doing the vengeance stuff.
Meanwhile the major element in the plot ties back to Jasper's past when he was in the Confederate army. During the civil war there were vampires taking advantage of the bloodshed and chaos. One female vampire turned Jasper and then used him to recruit an army of "newborns". Newborns are recently-turned vampires. Contrary to the normal accepted mythology, in Twilight the vampires are the strongest when they first change. Jaspers previous experience as a recruiter of newborns gives us a warning of the coming danger as well as an insight into the relationship between the evil reheaded vampire woman Victoria and the man working for her whom she turns in the opening scene.
The vampire elders have a fairly minimal role this time around, but that doesn't stop Dakota Fanning from using her psychic vampire powers to telekinetically snap a subordinate vampire's neck.
Lots of cool stuff in this entry and if only they'd just left out all the stupid relationship stuff (with the now quite overtly sexist male love interests) I think I'd actually prefer this to the director's prior "30 Days of Night".
Billy Burke quotation for this movie (his character is called Charlie):
Charlie Swan: ...alright, so, you guys are taking precautions?
Bella Swan: Okay, dad, please just don't worry about... that. Edward is... old school.
Charlie Swan: Old school, great. What's that, like a code for something?
Bella Swan: Oh my God, dad, I'm a virgin!
Charlie Swan: Ah, di-di-di-di, okay... glad we covered that.
Soooo.... Breaking Dawn: Part One(2011) then....
Well, we start with the build-up to the wedding. Bella and Edward seem to have a much better relationship because unlike in the first movie where they didn't seem to do anything to build up their relationship and seemed to have absolutely nothing in common, here we can just take it for granted that they have a full and interesting history together. Or perhaps the two of them are better at acting now. (I guess it's possible.) Anyway they finally seem to have some chemistry together. About time too. We're four movies in now.
Billy Burke has the obligatory awesome line. He's seen the bride in her wedding dress for the first time and Bella has seen him and things are feeling a teensy bit awkward because Bella is having nightmares where she and Edward kill everyone at the wedding. Anyway, Billy Burke breaks up all the tension by saying: "Yeah I know.... I'm hot." (And seriously, suggesting that the real reason everyone is stuck for words is because the FATHER of the bride looks stunning might not seem like a great gag, but Billy Burke just delivers his lines so perfectly. Seriously this guy should be in some GOOD movies for a change...)
On the walk up to the altar with Bella and her dad, Kirsten Stewart finally seems like she might be able to act. She's really worried because getting married essentially means she's agreeing to become a vampire. On the way up she's almost paralysed with fear and Kirsten Stewart is visibly shaking. I did think that this was some proper acting for a change. Then I saw that women standing in the rows with bare arms were clutching them in a way that clearly suggested they were cold. In her backless wedding dress Kirsten Stewart wasn't really acting scared. She was acting cold. *sighs*
At the wedding some of the words said (and they have EVERYBODY do some public speaking) are pretty cheesy. But Billy Burke and Anna Kendrick snag the best lines.
In the audience before the actual wedding Anna Kendrick (whose character is called Jessica) says the following:
Jessica: So, you think Bella's gonna be showing?
Angela: Jess, she is not pregnant!
Jessica: [sarcastically] Okay. Who else gets married at 18?
Meanwhile Billy Burke's wedding speech goes like this:
"Edward will be a good husband. I know this because I'm a cop. I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun."
At the wedding (on the outskirts of the venue, but as a surprise to Bella from Edward to show there's no hard feelings), Jacob ends up flipping his lid when he hears that Bella will be having sex with Edward on the honeymoon - while still a human! Instead of calmly informing Bella that this will most likely kill her and asking whether she's really thought it through, he goes into a bit of a fit and has to be restrained by his fellow werewolf pack-members.
After the wedding things slow down dramatically. The whole thing with Edward Cullen insisting on not having sex with Bella because he doesn't want to hurt her gets dull pretty quickly. Things liven up a litle bit though when the magical pregnancy is revealed.
When the werewolves hear about the vampire baby, they decide they are going to end the peace with the Cullen vampires and kill all of them. The werewolf effects have gone back downhill again btw. The scene where they make this decision in werewolf form involves the psychic words being dubbed while the particular wolf who is psychically speaking is on screen. Essentially it ends up looking like those old adaptations of books with talking animals where the animals' mouth-movements didn't match up with what they were saying. Like it or not, this scene announcing the intention to mass-murder a family gives the film a bit of a Disney feel. It's a bit bizarre, but kind of funny too. There simply wasn't enough to snark at in Eclipse, so it's a bit of a relief to see things are back to being unintentionally stupid again.
While I'm sure the director is trying to express the horror of the killer vampire fetus that magically cannot be aborted, the real horror for me was when Edward Cullen tells us that the baby is psychically talking to him. That was the point where I was the most creeped out, yet oddly the mood of the film seemed to expect us to take this contact from the unborn as reassuring (even though there was still every possibility that this was going to end in Bella's horrible death).
The scene where Jacob the teenage werewolf falls in love with a newborn baby was done remarkably well. It really shouldn't work. The whole idea is simply daft, but somehow the director pulls it off. He seems to see lots of scenes of the baby girl's future, so they make it a matter of falling in love with the woman she is going to become rather than falling in love with the baby as it is. *phew!*
When Bella finally comes to term with her baby it seems like the vampires are ripping open Bella's stomach to get the baby out. (Apparently a scalpel won't work for some unknown reason.) It seems that showing the ripped up stomach afterwards would be too much gore for the 12A rating, but it seems like its not even acknowledged that Bella has a stomach that has just been ripped to pieces while everyone's worrying about whether she can recover.
Anyway the final cliffhanger is very well done and the new trailer has me thinking that, having seen the prior four, I might as well see this fifth and final installment that is coming up. Blooming eck though, this has been a pretty ridiculous series.
D+
(video link)
x-posted to Halloween Candy