"As a horror writer I don't ask for much. I just hope I've changed the way you think about life."

That's right. I've now discovered....



Garth Marenghi's "Darkplace" (2004)

Each episode of this Channel Four TV show begins with the following lines:
"I'm Garth Marenghi. Author. Dreamweaver. Visionary. Plus actor. You're about to enter the world of my imagination. You are entering my Darkplace."

Actually that's not quite the beginning of each episode. The very beginning of each episode involves Garth Marenghi explaining something about his ideas as a horror writer. That's because (we are told) the "Darkplace" is a classic series lost in the 80s, but now being given a re-release by Channel Four. This time around the episodes are interspersed with interviews with the cast.

There are two figures who will be instantly recognisable to any fans of "The IT Crowd":

Todd Rivers                                 Dean Learner


Of course, these aren't their real names. "Todd Rivers", who plays Dr. Lucien Sanchez in "Darkplace" is actually Matt Berry. IT Crowd fans will recognise him as the boss (from series two onwards) Douglas Reynholm. Meanwhile "Dean Learner", who is said to be Garth Marenghi's manager and publisher and plays Thornton Reed in "Darkplace" will be easily recognised as Richard Ayoade who plays the character of Moss. (Richard Ayoade is also the director of the excellent dark comedy "Submarine".) So why've they been given these fake names? Well because the whole show is a spoof and the backgrounds of the actors are all part of the joke.



Each episode starts off with Garth Marenghi reading a section from one of his cheesy horror books. Garth Marenghi (played by Matthew Holness) has given himself the starring role in "Darkplace" as Dr. Rick Dagless and makes every opportunity he can to salute his own genius and to promote his horror novels. He'll often explain the meanings of fairly ordinary words, talking down to his audience. Here's a clip of him reading from one of his books at the beginning of an episode of "Garth Marenghi's 'Darkplace'":



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After a short introduction where Garth Marenghi praises his own genius, we hear the opening line I quoted above (which also praises Garth Marenghi's genius) before the 80s synth theme tune kicks in. Each episode is located in Darkplace Hospital where Dr. Rick Dagless works alongside charmer Dr. Lucien Sanchez (who, naturally, wishes he was as attractive as Dagless) and Liz Asher (who's psychic).



Matt Berry is absolutely brilliant in his role as Todd Rivers, a desperate b-movie actor resorting to low budget TV. Just look at this eyebrow action:



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Meanwhile the character of Liz Asher is used to spoof sexism and the comedy is brought out to great effect by Alice Lowe.



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Their boss at the hospital is played by Dean Learner who, being a manager rather than an actor, cannot act. (Garth Marenghi tells him that he doesn't want acting. He wants "the truth". Lol!) Richard Ayoade plays this element up to brilliant comic effect:



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Each episode takes a similarly crazy horror theme and sometimes aspects are genuinely horrifying. In one episode the water coolers inexplicably contain green water and absolutely nobody notices. As the episode progresses our heroes face the problem that more and more people in Darkplace Hospital are turning into apes. Rick decides to consult the hospital chaplain who he randomly refers to as "Padre". There's creepy music and a genuine atmosphere, yet the inescapable recognition that the whole thing is utterly barmy with delusions of grandeur. This combination makes for fantastic horror comedy and the low budget elements give it a real charm.



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In the very first episode, however, a particular target for derision becomes fairly obvious. The hospital turns out to be built over a hellmouth. Now where have we heard of a hellmouth before?



Now admittedly the creators are pretending that this fictional show was made well before Buffy The Vampire Slayer ever existed, but there were a lot of times when I couldn't help but compare the two and I strongly suspect that's intentional. Some other suggestions for possible targets of its mockery are Von Trier's Riget (English title: The Kingdom) which was also a nineties show, Twin Peaks which aired in the very early nineties and The Twilight Zone which had a revival in the mid-eighties.

There's only six episodes, but this is plenty of opportunity for such crazy topics as an eye-monster child, space broccoli and an attack by floating office stationary. However, my favourite episode of all has to be the attack of evil scotsmen who lurk in the mist. Anyone else thinking of "The Fog"? So what could these ghostly highland warriors want so far south? Dr. Rick Dagless explains:

Dr. Rick Dagless: "To kill the Queen and then destroy our way of life. That's what every Scotch man wants."
Liz Asher: "You can't say that."
Dr. Rick Dagless: "Believe me Liz, I know. I've met a lot of Scotch people. They want what we've got: order, sobriety, hope. Everything Romford stands for. They're jealous of our continental ways."

Naturally the sound of bagpipes is used as a noise to inspire fear in the audience and Dr. Rick Dagless tells a creepy story about a late night visit to Glasgow. He curses: "You goddamned evil misty jocks!" There's even an attack by a set of bagpipes. It's insanely brilliant.



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If you are into horror comedies, I cannot recommend "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace" highly enough. It's a brilliant piece of British comedy and it's unlike anything I've seen before. Spoofs of this quality are pretty rare.

Helpfully the whole series is available on Youtube, albeit after watching at least four unskippable adverts first:
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace on Youtube

Finally, for any Doctor Who fans here's a rather awesome treat. The Doctor Who intro redone, Darkplace style:



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X-posted to candycorncomm